Super-fast five:

• Weird Al writes a book. (cnn)
• Yeah, it's the rice cereal, not the Toaster Streudel in front of the tv that makes your kids fat.(abc)
• Mary Kate & Ashley have a sister who can actually act!  Unfortunately, her like, command of like, English, and the author's writing are both kind of lame. (abc)
• Barbara Bush is beautiful and in support of marriage equality. Lucky&smart! (towleroad)
• David Duchovny exhibits his awesomeness. (all access)