Porn and the UPS Guy

When we first moved to our new home, we had the best UPS delivery man.  He was efficient and extremely good looking, had a lovely wife and kids a few neighborhoods away.  But the best thing about him was just how hot he is  the fact he did not look into our giant picture window, nor our 3/4 glass front door.  Never, not once.  He knew to hide boxes just under the garage door for deliveries during November and December.  AND HE NEVER LOOKED IN THE HOUSE.


Our new delivery gentleman is very nice.  He has a quick step, leaves the boxes and trots off to other dimensions.  But he lacks that hotness quality our first and true UPS man held.  He looks in the window.  Sometimes he squints or shades his brow as he leans to look through the door.  


At first, he'd glance through the picture window.  Then came The Day.  I was doing all the laundry ever produced on the planet, and to keep me company, I streamed Weeds online.  I'm only able to indulge in this fabulous show when the kids can't put themselves in stealth mode and appear out of nowhere just as the F bomb is shattering the quiet.  


On this particular day, UPS decided to have my Amazon purchase delivered right as Silas was naked with an equally naked co-ed on his lap.  I happen to look out my window at that moment to see UPS guy himself peeking in at my laptop screen seeing blurry nekkid antics taking place.  Great.  So now he thinks I'm a housewife who sits home doing nothing but watching porn all day. (Because in the swirl that is my mind, what other logical conclusion can he draw?)


I rectify the situation by running to answer the door saying, "It's Weeds!  Ohmygosh, I'm so embarrassed.  It's just Weeds!"  


As he walks away he looks perplexed.  Then he calls over his shoulder, "weed?"  


So I breathed a deep sigh of relief.  He now knew I was not just a porn-loving housewife.  No, I was one who blamed Mary Jane for my sex-show habit.


Not that there's anything wrong with that.